YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T ASK FOR HELP; GRAPHIC BY HOLLY ATKINSON

Warning: this topic is about sexual assault and includes a personal story. If this is a triggering topic don’t read any further. 

Sexual assault is a tough subject for anyone to talk about or listen to. I choose to come forward with my story and some of the facts surrounding it to spread awareness on a matter that affects more people than we think. Before I share my story, I would like to give you some facts to understand this topic better. For those who are having trouble understanding exactly what sexual assault is considered, the CDC has posted a definition. “Sexual violence is sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given. It is a serious public health problem in the United States that profoundly impacts lifelong health, opportunity, and well-being.” According to Rainn (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) “On average, there are 463,634 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States.” A majority of people I interviewed during the early stages stated that when they thought of sexual assault they thought about women being the victims, but the CDC has information to counter this. “Sexual violence impacts every community and affects people of all genders, sexual orientations, and ages. Anyone can experience or perpetrate sexual violence. The perpetrator of sexual violence is usually someone the survivor knows, such as a friend, current or former intimate partner, coworker, neighbor, or family member.” It is around 1 in 33 men that are assaulted and report the assault. 

The CDC understands that sexual assault is a situation that no one deserves to go through, but you are not alone either. “Over half of women and almost 1 in 3 men have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact during their lifetimes. One in 4 women and about 1 in 26 men have experienced completed or attempted rape. Additionally, 1 in 3 women and about 1 in 9 men experienced sexual harassment in a public place.” No matter the age you are assaulted, you are not alone. “More than 4 in 5 female rape survivors reported that they were first raped before age 25 and almost half were first raped as a minor (i.e., before age 18). Nearly 8 in 10 male rape survivors reported that they were made to penetrate someone before age 25 and about 4 in 10 were first made to penetrate as a minor.”

Looking at the data may make it seem like this isn’t as big of a deal as people make it sound, but it is worse. So many cases go unreported for so many reasons. Some don’t make the report out fear of not being believed, fear of retribution, fear of how others will react to you and treat you, fear of how police will respond, fear of being ostracized, fear of being judged. These are just some of the types of fear that people may feel when thinking about sharing their stories. Everyone processes their experiences differently and that changes what they do. 

I have experienced what it is like to go through the sexual assault process both the happy ending and the nightmare. I want to share my story to let people know they are not alone, someone will always be there for you. When I was younger I was sexually assaulted by my stepfather. Because I was younger and didn’t know any better I didn’t say anything about what happened for almost 3 years. I questioned what I did to deserve something so horrible. I kept thinking to myself no one will believe what happened to me. People are going to think that I am making it up for attention. But at the same time, it is hard to tell a story that has scared you so badly. It wasn’t until I found that what happened wasn’t a normal part of a kid's life that I decided to say something. Looking back I wish I had said something sooner but at the same time I kept thinking I did something wrong, that it was my fault it happened to me. News flash, It wasn’t my fault. I was just living like a normal kid who got the short end of the stick. When I was ready, the first person I told was one of my closest friends, who then asked if we could be excused from class to talk to someone. It was that day I finally told the school nurse what was going on at home, not the perfect family life I was sharing. From that day on the Nurse was with me every step of the way and helped explain things to me when I was confused. That was over 6 years ago, and I am still trying to figure out a way to show how much her support meant to me. 

This was not something that was easy to go through, but looking back over the years I am able to see how much I have changed for the better. I have changed a lot since I first told the story about what happened to me. I have devoted my life and time to finding ways of helping people who have gone through what I have gone through. After being assaulted, you go through stages. I want people to know that they are not alone and so many people are out there waiting to help them through the rough parts. Similar to when you lose someone, you go through different stages of grief. At first, you are in shock, you don’t know what just happened, after that you hit denial where you act like nothing wrong happened. After I ended the Denial stage I entered the anger stage, I blamed my mother for allowing him near me, and I blamed myself for not fighting back. After almost 5 months of being angry with myself and the people around me, I started to feel hope that something was going to change.

I understand that not everyone can read this story and not feel upset, but I have a reason for sharing this story. I want to make an impact and encourage others to make a change. I want people to hear what actually happens in these situations, and why it takes so many people so long before they are ready to talk about it. I was lucky enough to find a support system that was willing to help me through the whole process. I want people to know that they are not alone and there are other people out there. You're not alone. So many people have gone through something like you. The only difference is having the confidence to share your story with just one person. After I told my story, I felt more confident I had been willing to share with someone the weight that was sitting on my chest. No matter how bad the situation, someone is waiting to help you turn on a different path.